


When You Throw The Rules Of Time Out The Window

by ChaosBalance, LiulfrLokison



Series: SHINRA Electric Power Company Crack [8]
Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Because That Makes Everything Better, Children Trinity, DO NOT TAKE THIS STORY SERIOUSLY, De-aging, For reasons, Joe's of the world forgive me for using thy name in such a way, Keith Is Scary, Let That Be Known, Let's Just All Blame Lucretia, NOT A REPRESENTATION AT ALL IN REGARDS TO TRANSGENDER PEOPLE, The SOLDIER's are super protective, The SOLDIER's can be overdramatic too, TimeTravel!Cloud, Vincent Gets To Show Of His Acting Skills, WARNING: Due to someone being offended by this story, Which Is Good And Bad, because that makes sense, it is crack, timetravel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 23:41:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17518055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosBalance/pseuds/ChaosBalance, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiulfrLokison/pseuds/LiulfrLokison
Summary: (AKA yet another TT!Cloud&Co fic)Featuring de-aged Trinity and of course the crack that this series has come to know as the norm.And . . . they get mistaken for girls. But Cloud makes that work in his advantage.





	When You Throw The Rules Of Time Out The Window

**Author's Note:**

> _And we're at it again with the crack. This time involving time travelling, and mistakes being made by the science department._
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters belong to their respective franchisers, although the idea belongs to **ChaosBalance** and I merely went along with their whims.

Things were chaos.

While in the tower that was the usual, this . . .

Was wayyyyy above the normal pay grade.

Because the Trinity was missing.

All three.

MIA after an appointment in the labs.

And the Scientists weren’t talking.

Hollander was spitting fire that ‘some upstart’ had been ‘screwing around with my experiments without permission’.

Unfortunately Keith wasn’t in Midgar at the moment, he had been called out to deal with things in Nibelheim and wasn’t scheduled to return for at least a month.

Omael Hojo was also out on business, he had been trying to get some certain specimens in the Kalm region, and was due back in a week.

Therefore, the pandemonium had created just the perfect storm to permanently slip something past the radar, and Cloud’s AVALANCHE was going to do just that.

Only, they didn’t yet realize just WHAT they were going to be slipping past SHINRA’s radar…..

-o0o-

Sephiroth was miserable.

He and both of his only friends in SHINRA were dirty, cold, dressed in little more than rags, and had been reduced to the equivalent of toddlers.

He estimated that he was the youngest, probably only just turned three.

Genesis was clearly older, by roughly about seven months, and Angeal was probably about four.

And all three of them were hiding in an out of the way corner in an alleyway on the plate, having been roughly tossed out of the SHINRA building not four hours before.

All three were shivering, their stomachs had begun to growl about ten minutes ago, and despite having retained their minds after the transformation, all three were fighting back tears.

It was hard to have emotional control when the body was easily overwhelmed with emotions.

That’s when a rather odd Cadet, helping out on Patrol rounds, showed up.

The first thing that clued Sephiroth into the Cadet knowing was the double-take said Cadet took.

The next thing was that all three were promptly scooped up into the scrawny Cadet’s arms.

“Angelica, Genevieve! I thought you were supposed to be at your Aunt Aerith’s place? And Saphira, why hasn’t your mother picked you up yet?”

Angeal took one look at the blonde spikes and promptly lost the fight with his tears, clinging onto the Cadet’s uniform and bawling his head off, which prompted Genesis and Sephiroth to do the same.

The Cadet stilled, before his eyes narrowed and he looked at the Third-Class that was the Commanding Officer of this particular patrol.

“Sir, not much can scare my kids like this. I have to get to the SOLDIER Canteen. I need to make a call to Saphi’s father, and the only person that allows me to borrow his PHS is Zack.”

The SOLDIER promptly took one look at the bawling kids, and decided he wanted nothing to do with this. So he dismissed Cloud early from patrol, and moved on.

So that left Cloud to trudge his way into the canteen with the three toddlers in his arms, having to actually kick the doors open as he currently had no hands free, thus gaining the attention of the entire room.

Thankfully he had Zack’s schedule down to a T, so as he expected the bubbly 2nd Class SOLDIER was indeed in the canteen.

Zack took one look and the three silently crying toddlers with VERY familiar hair colours and promptly pulled his PHS out and began dialing.

Before he put it on speaker and placed it on the table while he went to the counter and started gathering juice boxes and healthy snack foods.

The PHS rang for a few seconds before there was a distinct click and beep of it being put on speaker.

“ **This had better be good.** ”

“Chaos, I got a problem with your ‘host’. Can ya put him on?”

“ _Cloud? You almost always never call. What’s wrong? Do I need to fly out to Midgar?_ ”

“Remember your ex-bitch? Lucretia ‘Jenova’ Crescent? She dropped off Saphira the day before yesterday. I have enough problems with being stuffed into the cadets, so Ang’s cousin Aerith volunteered to house them for awhile. Yeah, the bitch vamoosed. Poor Saphi hasn’t seen her mother since she dropped her off, and it’s been three days. You need to get your MPS-ing backside to Midgar, Saphira needs at least one parent around. Unlike my two, Saphi at least HAS a parent that is still living. And no excuses about you being too dangerous because of your Multiple Personality Syndrome. If I can handle Chaos, as he is the strongest, then so can Aerith.”

There were a series of people choking in the background as Cloud ranted.

Zack had to applaud Cloud for his quick thinking, covering all the bases on the spot that dealt with all the various issues that could possibly turn up in the future.

“ _Yeah, alright. But, you said that they were with Angelica’s cousin Aerith right? Why call now?_ ”

“That’s the best part. Aerith and I worked out a system, The kids head up to the plate and find me if Aerith gets in trouble. The only way I’d have the three cuddled up in my lap right now, is if Aerith was getting stalked by those thugs in the blue suits. Aerith told me before that they tend to show up and make her acquaintances ‘Vanish’, and she wasn’t going to risk my kids when I can’t even get my own place to have ‘em with me. I’m going to need to pick up both my bike and sword soon, so the Suits don’t get their grimey mitts on them.”

A Turk who so happened to be in the canteen began to wilter under the ferocious glares of the SOLDIER’s all present in the room. He wisely vacated his seat and left as fast as his legs could carry him.

“The only Blue Suit you can count on is that Redhead Reno, and I still wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him.” Zack took that moment to plop down and start handing out the food and snacks he had brought.

Cloud merely hummed quietly, taking the time to open the juice bottles and divy up the food into equal portions, making sure that the three First-Class toddlers each had a favoured snack in their own pile.

_“I see . . .  Then I shall depart to Midgar posthaste. The trip should take no longer than four days. And judging from how Keith is glaring at the floor like it has personally offended him, he shall be returning as well.”_

**_“_ ** **_Damn right I am!”_ **

“I’ll also be breaking regs by removing those Limiter’s SHINRA slapped on me for being already Enhanced when they threw me into the Cadets. I ain’t risking my kids cause I couldn’t fight at full throttle.”

**_“Got for it. If Management has a problem with it, they can take it up with me. You’re at the level of a First-Class anyway, why they didn’t just boost you into a probationary role I have no clue.”_ **

_“I believe there will be no problems then. We will begin to pack our belongings, and I shall inform Zackary when we have reached Rocket Town.”_

“Looking forward to it.” Zack answered, if only to keep up appearances that Cloud didn’t have a means of communication.

At this point the three had completely calmed down, Angeal content to suck on a juice box while Genesis ate like a starving man-child. Child.

Sephiroth just stared blankly at the floor, as if trying to compute the conversation that had just occurred.

And this was only the beginning.

-o0o-

Tseng was not aware why his Turks were all under the scrutiny of the SOLDIER department, but one trainee gave the answers he was seeking.

Apparently the SOLDIER’s were not happy to hear that a relative of a favourable Cadet was being ‘stalked’ by their department.

Especially as the information had been literally exposed to a vast majority of the staff and quickly spread as gossip would.

Now normally he would turn to either Keith or Sephiroth about how to deal with the situation, except Keith was out of town (although he heard that he would be returning very soon) and Sephiroth was currently missing.

Along with the other two of the Holy Trinity.

Needless to say, all chaos would descend on the building if it was found out those three were missing, and so to avoid such a panic, he and Lazard came up with a temporary cover for their absence. Said cover was that they had been assigned to a very delicate on-need-to-know basis mission and they had very little cell reception. The mission also did not have a time limit, but they could only possibly stretch this cover for about two weeks.

And during those two weeks, they would need to find the missing SOLDIER’s before time ran out.

It wasn’t looking good; since the scientists that had last seen them were NOT talking.

It didn’t help that Reno had ‘conveniently’ found out that the reason most SOLDIER’s were stonewalling the Turk’s from observing the new Cadets could be summed up in three facts.

Fact One: One of the Cadets was a Father of three, and was the relative in question of the Cetra girl Hollander had ordered them to keep a close eye on.

Fact Two: Said Cadet had been refused a probationary First-Class position and thrown into the Cadets with a limiter because of Turk Interference behind Veld’s back.

Fact Three: The Turks that had interfered had been planning on ‘convincing’ the already Enhanced Cadet to join the Turks, despite the said Cadet being quite obviously ‘uniquely unsuited’ to the job, no matter how many Turk-like behaviours he had.

In short, they were screwed, unless Keith used his mystical powers of persuasion and managed to soothe things over. Because apparently no one else in the building knew how to mediate.

However, when he did return, Keith really took no sides. He just sat back and watched the Turk department with judging eyes. And Tseng knew there was no pleading with him when he was in that sort of mood.

Then the Legendary Sharpshooter himself showed up, and began quite the rampage against the Turks sent on Cetra Patrol.

Considering the fact he obviously wasn’t himself half the time, switching between different personalities at the drop of a shell casing, and kept yelling about stopping his old department from harassing his daughter and babysitter when he actually could be understood…..

The Video of the little ‘Saphira’ yelling out ‘Baba!” and cuddling up against the declared KIA Turk while said dead Turk was under the watchful gaze of the Spiky Blonde Cadet-that-should-not-be-a-Cadet really made the run around the department. And had the fortune of several of the conspirators coming forward begging for forgiveness and protection from the crazed ex-Turk.

It didn’t look like the trouble would die down anytime soon.

Tseng had the mother of all headaches. Rufus taking an interest in the case and wanting to recruit the Cadet-that-wasn’t to the Turks didn’t exactly help in that regard.

The spoiled brat was begging to commit suicide by overprotective father. There was no way the clearly insane Sharpshooter was going to take the guardian of his daughter being harassed lying down.

It took many ‘subtle’ hints from Keith to drive the idea that ‘no you can’t recruit him unless you want the **entirety** of SOLDIER coming down you on with the wrath of the Goddess, nevermind the living embodiment of chaos itself wanting to rip you apart’ for Rufus to back off.

At this point Omael had returned, and had thrown an utter shit fit when he was informed of the Turks and the building security’s incompetence, namely being they hadn’t got a damn clue of what happened to the Trinity.

At least Keith had been kind enough to actually break the sorry news to the SHINRA staff, weaving up a story that the three Firsts had contracted an unknown and rather contagious ailment on their *ahem* mission, and thus had been quarantined until further notice in an undisclosed location.

While the staff lamented the absence of the Trinity, they were more preoccupied with the toddlers that was gaining the most attention.

The three little heartbreakers; who were more than happy to lap up the attention they were given.

-o0o-

It had been a month since the ‘girls’ had become part of the SHINRA Tower family, and things were relatively normal.

To make up for the Trinity’s absence, Cloud had been promoted as a part-time SOLDIER. He still was required to finish his Cadet training, even through his instructors thought the idea was bollocks, but he had signed a contract so he was bound by law. That didn’t stop the higher ups assigning him onto missions as ‘training exercises’, and no one batted an eye when the missions were classified for SOLDER 2nd Class and above.

The big ass sword, and the mesmerizing way Cloud used it, was explanation enough.

Whenever Cloud was off continent, he was able to entrust his ‘daughters’ to either Zack, Vincent, or Keith. Omael would have been an adequate candidate, but his responsibilities as department head meant he wasn’t able to give them the attention they required. Keith was happy to drop by his office every now and then when he had been given the girls, so it wasn’t like Omael missed out.

The scientist was more than delighted to hear that his adopted Nephew (and that had been quite a shock to most when that little titbit of information came out) had adopted three beautiful ‘daughters’, so no one found it an issue if he was left alone with the three at any point.

At some point though, the secretaries that loved to dote on the three did approach Cloud that he should perhaps stock up on clothing, as toddlers went through them quite quickly. It was mostly the mothers that suggested this, they had experience.

The issue was, Cloud had little to no fashion sense, he had left that up to the females (and oddly enough, Cid) of the group.

So on his first shopping trip, he had to drag someone along.

Not Vincent, Ifrit knows what he might procure.

Zack was not able to stand still; he most likely would get distracted and forget the reason they were shopping in the first place. (It had happened many times before, and Cloud didn’t want to know how Zack managed to find the weird and suspicious items he found in positively normal stores).

So that left, Aerith and Keith, (and possibly Cid; if Cloud could get a suitable bribe when the Captain was visiting).

The two were happy to help, Keith knew many decent shops and Aerith knew how to haggle, she was a master at haggling. And with both Keith and Cloud there, they could intimidate anyone who tried to swindle them.

Angelica, Genevieve and Saphira were delighted to be out of the tower, and were very vocal about the kinds of clothes they liked.

None of them were surprised that the three went for pants first, and neutral colours, although Genevieve was adamant about having at least something red in her wardrobe.

Angelica suited darker colours; mostly blues and purples, Genevieve had an array of reds and pinks (Aerith insisted), while Saphira chose greens and black; although there were a few white shirts thrown in.

All three insisted on leggings though, when Aerith found the skirt racks. Cloud and Keith didn’t blame them, Cloud having flashbacks of the dress incident, and no one needed to know why Keith backed the kids up with the leggings argument.

Aerith insisted that it wouldn’t be as nice, but she was managed to be persuaded as all three ‘girls’ brought out the puppy eyes. Although Saphira’s ones were more like a kittens to be honest.

If anyone thought to ask why the girls wore leggings despite the length of whatever skirt they had, Vincent’s overbearing presence would cause the questions to die in their throats.

Cloud could argue the clearly male clothing was for rough wear, and many mothers’ in the building would back up his claim, some reminiscing over the scraps their kids would get into and admitting they also found boys clothes to be better while the kids were growing up.

When one male employee had a small mini rant of how girls should wear girls clothes, all those mothers descended upon him like a pack of harpies, and he was accused of being a lolicon due to the intensity of his argument.

The three girls took to screaming as loud and as high-pitched as they could whenever they were left alone in a room and said male employee walked in. The rush of SOLDIERs that fled from where-ever in the building they were in in order to ‘save’ the girls ended up a common occurrence.

Poor Joe never was able to rectify the false accusation, and so was forever known as Lolicon Joe. Or Loli-Joe for short.

_It wasn’t his fault he was raised in a predominantly male household that had outdated expectations of women, one reason why he was so disgusted by the idea of a working woman and had no friendly relations with his female colleagues._

-o0o-

It eventually got to the point that the girls had become residents of the building for over four months, and at this point there really was no way of rectifying whatever had made them this way.

And so it was up to Keith, yet again, to inform the staff of the dreadful news.

The Trinity had unfortunately passed away in their medically induced sleep, their death was painless and they could not have a public funeral as their bodies had been cremated, in order to prevent the unknown disease from spreading.

It was a sad day for all of Midgar, but they chose to remember the Trinity in their prime and to not lament, as it was not the way they would want to be remembered.

The three ‘girls’ grew up loved and adored, eventually being made the ‘mascots’ of SOLDIER, and with much persuasion from both them and the SOLDIER department, the newly promoted SOLDIER 1st Class Cloud Strife took over as the ‘Poster SOLDIER’.

The fact Strife was a Single Father of three and was quite obvious about his doting only ended up making him all the more popular.

So the girls grew up in peace until certain details came to light.

-o0o-

It had been four years, four peaceful years, and apparently Fate had decided it was time to meddle.

Well, it wasn’t entirely Fate’s fault, the team needed a cover as to why the ‘girls’ didn’t seem so girly anymore as they had grown up.

It was Saphira came up with an idea that could help.

And so the three came out as genderfluid.

As they were commonly seen reading books far beyond their age range, it was normal to think that they were smarter than they appeared, so no one was shocked to hear those words coming from a 7 year olds mouth.

Angelica preferred to be a boy most of the time, and so became referred to as Eli.

Genevieve liked being a girl, and most of the time stuck with that designation, although there were the rare occurrences that Gene made an appearance.

Saphira switched between being a boy and a girl almost constantly, mostly according to whatever mood she was in at the time. It was either Saph, or Saphira, and it was easy to know which one it was as Saphira made indications of which gender she was by wearing certain accessories.

If it was a bracer, it was Saph. If it was a necklace, it was Saphira.

_Unknown to most, both were able to be equipped with Materia._

But that wasn’t the end of their troubles.

It was quite obvious that Saphira had features that resembled a certain departed General, and so they had to count on Vincent’s acting skills, to deal with that issue.

So Omael, with Cloud’s permission, asked to do a DNA test and those in the vicinity quite quickly spread this news around.

One of Omael’s assistants so happened to come across said DNA results in his office, and let it slip to an intern who couldn’t keep their mouth shut to save their life, that Saphira had an almost identical DNA match to the late General.

Vincent, when he found out the news, quite quickly went on a bender and began to drown his sorrows in booze.

Cloud ended up being the one to drag him back to Midgar, as Vincent had fled to Nibelheim (mostly for show), but he was also quite terrified as he had pilfered the booze from Keith’s private stores, and he wasn’t looking forward to seeing what the janitor had in mind for this offense.

The day Vincent was dragged back to Midgar, was a day that none would speak of ever again. No one had known that Keith could get that brutal, and never wanted to find out what could drive him to such madness.

The only good thing that came out of it was Vincent’s wailing about how he hadn’t known about his son, and about how he couldn’t believe Lucretia could have gone that far for the sake of her experiments.

None blamed him for disappearing into the depths of the building for a week, but after him scaring yet another maintenance worker who found him hanging around the basement like a bat, he had to be coaxed out.

Which was easy, as it only took Keith entering the basement for the ex-Turk to flee like a bat out of hell.

It had been only a week since that ‘day’, so he was still quite terrified.

_It would take two months and several bribes of weapon upgrades before he could be in the same room as Keith. Who had also been placated with half his stash being replaced._

-o0o-

**_Omake_ **

-o0o-

They really should have expected this day to come.

But it had come sooner than they had expected.

**They were not ready for it!**

The dreaded . . . ‘Date’.

Even mentioning the word was sacrilege, and they would all gasp and cover their ears.

The SOLDIER department had descended into chaos.

_This is how it all started . . ._

It was a normal day, getting assigned missions, medical appointments, crazy fans calling up, and babysitting what everyone was starting to suspect was the second coming of the Trinity.

Except it was a duo today.

“Where’s Saphira today?”

Gene and Eli glanced up from the book Zack had been reading to them.

“Saphira’s got a playdate.” Eli answered, looking back to the book without realising the chaos he had just started.

Because all the SOLDIER’s had heard was **_“Saphira’s got a - date.”_ **

**_Date._ **

**_DATE?!_ **

And that’s how things got thrown into disarray, the SOLDIER’s began to plan a mission to extract their little angel, like it was a full blown war strategy.

Gene didn’t help by slyly informing them of the location of the ‘date’, Eli too engrossed in his gardening book (gifted by Omael for his 7th birthday) to realise what his brother was up to.

By the time the mission had been finalised, Eli and Gene were being escorted to Keith who would be looking after them for the rest of the day.

_Now things would have gone ahead like planned, if not for the fact Keith noticed the SOLDIER’s were early by half an hour. And the SOLDIER’s loved to spent extra time with the girls as much as they could._

_The SOLDIER’s escorting the two broke quickly under his mini-interrogation, and once he passed the boys over to Omael, Keith ran off to prevent what was a normal playdate, from becoming a war zone._

_Luckily he was in time, calling Cloud while he was on his way, and so the SOLDIER’s found themselves pinned between Cloud and Keith, who were both steaming mad that Saphira’s first playdate had almost been ruined._

-o0o-

Cloud was so proud.

Seeing Saphira playing with Denzel and Marlene, an experience Sephiroth had never gotten to have, made him feel like the proudest papa in the world.

Barrett looked the same, a satisfied smile on his face as the three kids played around, comfortable with his arm thrown around Cloud’s shoulders.

Unfortunately things weren’t going to go as planned, as Keith had rung twenty-five minutes earlier than he normally did to inform that the other two were with him.

_*Outside*_

_“Oh Holy Minerva.”_

_“Okay boys, we gotta switch tracks here.”_

_“The boss is getting flirted with, and those kids are dating our little Silver Princess!”_

**_*Slap*_ **

_“Get it together Hughes! This is a life or death mission!“_

_“Gu - guys? That boy called the boss ‘dad’.”_

_“Davies, stop choking!”_

_“It’s worse than we thought. We must move quickly.”_

_“Uh . . . we have a problem.”_

_“What could be worse than this monstrous act being played out before us?!”_

_“Well, the boss vanished and  . . . “_

**_“What, in the seven hells, are you imbeciles up to?”_ ** **_  
_ **

The platoon of SOLDIER’s all froze as they found Keith behind them, with the most unholy of unholiest expressions on his face.

None of them could speak, their tongues caught in their throats.

“Yes, like he said, what, are you imbeciles up to?”

The boss was standing with a bright smile on his face in front of the window they had all be peering into, but his eyes were like the glacial mountains on Nibelheim.

**_Yep, they were all screwed._ **

-o0o-

The SOLDIER department was out of commission for a week, and if asked what had occurred, Cloud was happy to inform them the SOLDIER’s had overdone it on their training.

If there was a dangerous glint in his eyes, no one made a comment, Keith had also been in a foul mood already and no one wanted two pissed off blondes in the Tower.

Saphira though, was more than happy to tell everyone about her first successful Playdate.

The SOLDIER’s wept when she asked when the next one was.

When Cloud kissed a Spiky Blonde that he called ‘Cousin Cid’ on the cheek the week after the SOLDIERs had recovered, well, none of them had the stones to mention it.

**Author's Note:**

> _A/N: So, hope you've enjoyed, we certainly did!_
> 
> _LiulfrLokison out! :3_


End file.
